HAPPY Monday, Achiever! 
This wasn’t defiance. It was fear.
Years ago, I had a team member who suddenly went quiet.
She was one of those people you could always count on—sharp, steady, calm in chaos. A safe pair of hands, especially in high-pressure situations. But partway through a particularly intense project—with insane timelines and high visibility—something changed.
She stopped contributing in meetings.
At first, I told myself it was the workload. We were all stretched. But as the days went on, her energy dipped. When I asked for her input, she’d nod, maybe offer a clipped sentence—but the spark was gone. No challenge, no curiosity, no insight.
I started wondering: Is she disengaged? Checked out? Frustrated with me?
I began analysing what she wasn’t doing, instead of getting curious about why.
It wasn’t until a quiet one-on-one—weeks later—that the truth surfaced.
With tears in her eyes, she said:
“I didn’t know how to speak up. I’ve been scared of saying the wrong thing.
Scared it would sound stupid. Scared of how it might be taken.
And if I’m honest… I was afraid I’d unravel if I said what I was really thinking.”
This was someone who had always kept it together. Always on top of things. To see her holding that much fear behind a composed exterior—that moment changed how I saw silence forever.
Her quiet wasn’t defiance.
It wasn’t disinterest.
It was a nervous system doing its job—protecting her.
Not because she didn’t care.
But because something had happened that made her feel unsafe.
It turned out the shift started weeks earlier, when a senior leader publicly dismissed one of her suggestions. No one followed up. No one checked in. And so, she shut down to protect herself.
She hadn’t lost her voice.
She’d lost her sense of safety.
And here’s what I now know for sure:
🧠 When people go quiet, it’s rarely because they don’t care.
💬 It’s often because they care deeply—but don’t feel safe enough to speak.
🎯 And our job as leaders isn’t just to ask for input—it’s to create the kind of space where people want to speak.
Where showing up doesn’t feel like a risk—but a relief.
What Neuroscience Tells Us
In every conversation, your brain is doing one of two things: seeking connection or protection.
When people feel emotionally safe, they access the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for logic, empathy, innovation, and trust. This is the “Connect” state.
But when safety is compromised—due to stress, fear of judgment, power imbalances, or past trauma—the brain activates its “Protect” response. It shifts into survival mode. This means the thinking brain goes offline, and the person may withdraw, shut down, or lash out.
💡 They’re not being difficult. They’re being protective.
And in workplaces everywhere, this is happening more than we realise.
When someone shuts down in a conversation, it’s rarely because they don’t care. More often, their brain has shifted into a protective state.
According to the neuroscience behind Conversational Intelligence®, our brains operate in one of two modes during interactions:
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Connect mode (trust, openness, creativity), or
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Protect mode (defensiveness, withdrawal, fear).
When people feel emotionally unsafe—even subtly—they lose access to their prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, problem-solving, and innovation. Instead, the amygdala takes over, triggering fight, flight, freeze, or… silence.
This isn’t about emotional weakness. It’s biology. It’s self-protection.
So when your team member goes quiet in a meeting, or your partner clams up mid-discussion—it’s not resistance. It’s a nervous system screaming “I don’t feel safe enough to speak.”
That moment stayed with me—not just because it was emotional, but because it revealed something most leaders miss. Silence isn't always about disengagement. More often, it's a signal of emotional overload, of a nervous system stuck in protect mode. And in high-pressure environments, especially when timelines are tight, those protective responses get louder. If we want people to show up fully, we have to create the conditions where it's safe to do so.
Here's THREE ways you can start creating that kind of safety—moment by moment, conversation by conversation:
🔑 1. Acknowledge What’s Not Being Said
Instead of avoiding the silence or assuming it’s disinterest, name what you’re noticing—gently and with curiosity.
🗣 Try:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quieter lately, and I want you to know your voice matters here. Is there anything getting in the way of you feeling comfortable to speak up?”
💡 Why it works: Naming the silence removes the guesswork and signals emotional attunement. It says I see you without pressure, and it opens the door for connection.
