*Stop Judging | Start Accepting

"It's not perfect..."

That's an internal voice I need to regulate EVERY day. Acknowledge it and receive it with compassion.

What it is really saying is you are not perfect.

Then the logical voice responds, 'yeah, and who is...stand down Perfectionist Polly"

There is a tug-of-war going on in my head. This all happened when I looked at the photos of me presenting at a conference. A message jammed home as the photo was taken in front of a photo taken a number of years ago. (Perfectionist Polly is the name of my fixed mindset)

As I research and write my next book, I’m reminded of a truth I’ve spent years learning: self-acceptance is not about becoming enough—it’s about realising I always was.  Not an easy pill to swallow - yet.

Cue the downward spiral.

On the big screen behind me was an older image of myself, taken years ago. The comparison was brutal. My mind fixated on the changes—the softer edges, the ways my body had shifted over time. Instead of celebrating that I was standing on stage, doing what I love, the first thought I had was: I don’t look like I used to.

That’s when I realised something—perfectionism wasn’t just about doing things well. It was about proving my worth.

Where Perfectionism Begins: The Rules We Absorb

Perfectionism isn’t something we wake up with one day. It’s learned, ingrained in us from a young age through subtle, unspoken rules about what it means to be "good enough."

Growing up, I unconsciously learned the unspoken rules of worthiness. I tried to piece together my identity from approval, comparison, and the illusion of perfection. I never felt like I was enough—not smart enough, not good enough, not right enough.

Our internalised beliefs that shape how we see ourselves. For example:

• What I think about myself must be what everyone else thinks about me. 💭

• If I don’t look as slim, beautiful, or put-together as them, what I say will hold less value. 😔

• If I’m not perfect, I won’t be accepted. 😔

• If I make mistakes, I’ll be judged as not good enough. 😞

• My potential is limited by how others see me. (And I assume they see me the same way I do.) ⛓️

• My opinion of myself defines my value. 👀

Maybe you have your own version of these rules.

I waged a war against these for years. Trained hard and ate only the healthiest foods, often resulting in missing out on moments of connection and community because I couldn't/wouldn't participate in the parties and communion around food. If I hadn't gone to the gym, I would have failed. It was challenging, exhausting and unfulfilling.

And then my body said no more, perimenopause kicked in hard, and it didn't matter what I did or didn't eat or how hard I worked out - I still gained weight. The strategy I had deployed all those years no longer worked. I know I am not alone in this - I see it and hear about it all the time.

With a large amount of - ongoing - personal development, here is what I have learnt and what I’ve come to understand:

• The story I am creating in my head is NOT the same as what others are thinking or saying. REFRAME *

• I am worthy as I am, not as I “should” be. 💖