HAPPY Monday, Achiever! 
What if resistance isn’t the problem—but a clue?
It’s easy to write resistance off as stubbornness, defensiveness, or even laziness. But what if, instead of being a barrier, it’s actually a breadcrumb? A clue pointing us toward something deeper—a fear, a wound, a story waiting to be heard?
I remember working with a senior leader—we’ll call her Jane—who was intelligent, strategic, and deeply committed to her team’s success. By all measures, she was thriving. But there was one person on her team who kept her up at night.
Every coaching conversation circled back to this same employee. No matter how carefully Jane worded her feedback, it landed flat. The body language screamed shutdown—arms crossed, eyes averted, a wall you could feel in the room. “I’ve tried everything,” Jane said. “She’s just difficult.”
But when we paused and zoomed out, we started looking not at the behaviour—but at the story underneath it.
We uncovered something powerful.
This team member had once been publicly shamed in a previous job—called out in front of her peers, her competence questioned, her ideas dismissed. The memory had calcified into a belief: I’m not safe when I speak up. Feedback is a threat.
So her “resistance” wasn’t personal. It was protective.
She wasn’t pushing back on Jane’s leadership—she was bracing for impact.
And that changed everything.
When Jane understood what the resistance was guarding, her approach softened. Instead of escalating or retreating, she got curious. She swapped performance reviews for check-ins. She replaced critique with collaboration. She started asking questions that opened space, not closed it down.
Slowly, the wall began to lower. Trust replaced tension. And the employee who had once been labelled “difficult” became one of the most engaged, creative voices on the team.
The truth? Resistance isn’t always a sign of disobedience or defiance.
Sometimes, it’s a signal. A story. A scar.
And when we meet it with curiosity, not control, something remarkable happens—we create the kind of safety that transforms not just conversations, but entire cultures.
Resistance is often a protective response.
We’ve been taught to treat resistance like a problem—something to outsmart, outlast, or override. In fast-paced environments, it’s often seen as a delay to progress. A barrier. A fault in the system or in the person.
But what if that’s not the full picture?
What if resistance isn’t defiance… but defence?
It often shows up as a knee-jerk “no,” a shutdown in a conversation, or a subtle withdrawal in meetings. But beneath the surface, resistance is rarely about the topic at hand. It’s what sits underneath that matters—a sense of safety being threatened, a belief system being challenged, or an old emotional bruise being pressed on.
In other words, resistance is protection in disguise.
It’s the nervous system stepping in and saying, “This doesn’t feel safe.”
When you try to power over resistance—by pushing harder, moving faster, or getting louder—you trigger more of the very thing you’re trying to resolve. You escalate the brain’s threat response, reinforcing mistrust, and pushing connection further out of reach.
But when you pause…
When you choose curiosity over control…
When you ask not “Why are they resisting?” but “What are they protecting?”—you shift the dynamic entirely.
You step into psychological safety.
You honour the human before the outcome.
And that’s where change becomes possible.
This isn’t about lowering standards or avoiding accountability. It’s about seeing resistance not as friction to fight—but as feedback to understand.
So the next time someone pulls away, pushes back, or puts up a wall, try this:
Don’t meet force with force.
Don’t rush to “fix” the behaviour.
Instead, breathe. Soften. Get curious.
Because that resistance might be the very place your next breakthrough is waiting.
