HAPPY Sunday, Achiever! 
“Why do most leaders struggle in tough conversations? Because they’re trying to correct before they connect — and that’s a recipe for resistance.”
There's a constant push for improvement. In addition, unrealistic timelines amp up the pressure to perform. Sarah, the team leader, constantly feels like she is asking more from her team. Asking them to take on more, change more.
It all triggers resistance. Defensiveness and tensions flare, misunderstandings mount, and what began as a simple focus session now feels like a battleground.
And how do you respond....
Do you hold to influence or do you push to influence?
In the context of constantly putting out fires and pushing her team for results, Sarah found herself pushing for influence. When team members resist, react and build barriers to the change, compounded by the urgency created by unrealistic timelines - Sarah - and many other leaders like her - push harder.
She takes on a Tell, Sell, Yell approach. The result? Defensiveness, disengagement, and an even more strained team dynamic.
Instead of pushing harder to influence, Sarah chose to connect first. Rather than reacting to resistance with more pressure, she leaned into understanding the barriers her team faced. She asked questions, listened actively, and invited input, creating a space where her team felt seen and valued.
Instead of Tell, Sell, Yell, she embraced Connect, Align, Empower.
The outcomes?
Defensiveness gave way to open dialogue.
Disengagement shifted to shared ownership.
The team, once strained and fragmented, became more cohesive, motivated, and aligned with the mission — not because they were told to comply, but because they felt genuinely included in the process.
Now, imagine if Sarah paused to connect first — to listen, acknowledge, and validate before offering guidance. What could that change?
The key to moving from reactive to responsive in difficult conversations is practicing non-defensive listening — a skill that transforms interactions from combative to constructive.
When we’re reactive, we’re operating from a place of self-protection. We hear criticism as a personal attack, interruptions as challenges to our authority, and differing opinions as threats to our competence. This defensive stance not only escalates tension but also shuts down effective communication.
Non-defensive listening, however, shifts the focus from defending our position to understanding the other person’s perspective. It involves pausing before responding, asking clarifying questions, and acknowledging the speaker’s emotions and concerns without immediately rebutting or justifying. This creates psychological safety, reduces resistance, and fosters mutual respect — key elements for productive dialogue.
In practice, non-defensive listening might sound like:
