HAPPY Monday, Achiever! 
We pride ourselves on being good communicators.
We nod at the right time. Maintain eye contact. Drop in an encouraging “mhmm.”
But there’s a difference between hearing words and holding space.
And sometimes, the bravest thing someone will ever tell you is:
“I don’t feel heard.”
It’s jarring—especially when your intention was to support, guide, or lead.
But this disconnect doesn’t stem from poor technique.
It stems from protection.
When pressure’s high, emotions run deep, or uncertainty creeps in, we stop listening to understand—and start listening to protect ourselves.
And we don’t even notice.
When we listen to respond, we’re preparing our answer before the other person finishes their sentence. We want to add value, solve the issue, or get things moving.
But when we listen to protect, we’re unconsciously defending our position, identity, or sense of control.
It might sound like:
- “They’re wrong, and I need to correct this.”
- “If I don’t say something now, I’ll lose respect.”
- “I can’t let them think I don’t have a solution.”
The result?
The conversation loses its safety.
The other person shuts down.
And real connection is lost.
🔄 3. Three Powerful Shifts to Move from Protection to Presence
Let’s explore what it takes to shift from defensive listening to transformational listening.
These aren’t just communication tactics—they’re leadership habits that rewire how others experience you.
🔄 Shift 1: From Fixing → Feeling
"That sounds really frustrating. What’s the hardest part for you right now?"
We often rush to fix because we care.
We want to relieve pressure, remove obstacles, and make things better—especially for people we lead, coach, or love.
But here's the deeper truth: when we jump into fixing, we often skip over the most important part of the conversation—how someone feels.
Fixing is often about relief—ours and theirs.
Feeling is about connection—being with someone in their discomfort without trying to change it.
And that takes courage.
Why? Because holding space for someone else's emotion can feel vulnerable.
You can't control where it will go.
You can’t “wrap it up” in a neat little bow.
It asks you to stay present—not productive.
Fixing sounds like:
- “Here’s what you could do next.”
- “Have you tried…?”
- “At least it’s not as bad as…”
Though well-meaning, these responses send a subtle message:
“Your discomfort makes me uncomfortable. Let’s move past it.”
Feeling sounds like:
- “That sounds heavy—what’s weighing on you most right now?”
- “I can see how much that’s impacted you. Tell me more.”
- “What’s the part that hurts the most?”
When you validate what someone is feeling before offering direction, you unlock two things:
- Trust – They feel seen, not managed.
- Ownership – When people name their own emotions, they’re more likely to shift them.
