Let’s talk about trust. It’s the backbone of every great coaching relationship—and honestly, every meaningful conversation. Without trust, we can only scratch the surface. With it? We can dig deep, explore, and unlock incredible growth.

We often navigate conversations believing that basic communication skills are enough. But let’s face it—without trust, even the best intentions can only scratch the surface. Trust is the backbone of every meaningful connection, the foundation of growth, and the spark for transformational change. Without it, relationships stagnate, and opportunities slip away. With it? You can unlock boundless potential, dig deep, and achieve breakthroughs.

Now, imagine this: Instead of conversations feeling like negotiations or battles, what if every dialogue became a platform for growth, alignment, and shared success? What if you could approach every conversation, no matter how high the stakes, with confidence, clarity, and purpose?

That’s the power of trust. It’s not something you demand—it’s something you build moment by moment, question by question, through listening like you mean it. As Jim Knight says in The Definitive Guide to Instructional Leadership, “We’ve got to ask the right questions and listen like we mean it.” Let’s make trust our starting point.

 When Growth Feels Vulnerable

Speaking on stage has always been a challenge for me. It’s not something that comes easily. The attention focused solely on me feels incredibly vulnerable, and the butterflies in my stomach often leave me feeling nauseous.

When I attended a three-day speakership training course, I took a deep dive into the world of keynote speaking. Surrounded by extremely successful speakers, I couldn’t help but feel out of place. Participating in and completing the course was a courageous stretch—uncomfortable and emotionally challenging, yet I chose to push through.

On the third day, we each had to stand before the entire cohort and deliver a small section of our keynote. The purpose was to gain speaking mileage and draw on the expertise in the room for feedback. 

It was one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. Standing in front of a room filled with talented individuals—many of whom made their living as keynote speakers—and receiving their feedback was entirely different from any previous experience.

The session was framed and explained well to create an environment of trust and safety. Yet, even when you’re told the space is safe and the process is trustworthy, trusting—both yourself and others—is not always easy. Ultimately, trust is something you must own and actively choose to give.

Trust Starts Within

That experience taught me a lot. Trust isn’t just about the environment or what others say—it starts with us. As Charles Feltman writes in The Thin Book of Trust, “Trust is choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.”

Think about that for a second. Trust is about risk. It’s about vulnerability. And it’s about making the call to open up. That’s why it’s so deeply personal.

Brené Brown explains this beautifully with her marble jar analogy. Every moment of connection adds marbles to the jar. Every moment of disconnection or distrust takes them away. Stephen M.R. Covey builds on this in Speed of Trust, describing trust as a bank account. Every relationship has its own balance—and no two accounts are the same.In leadership, trust is everything. It’s the reason clients feel safe enough to open up. But here’s the catch—it doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey.

As leaders, we earn trust through the little things: showing up consistently, keeping our word, and demonstrating that we care. It’s in the way we listen without judgment, offer support, and stay reliable. Brené Brown reminds us that trust grows through small, intentional moments of connection.

 The Science of Trust

Here’s something fascinating: trust has its own neurochemistry. When we feel trust, our brains release oxytocin—the “connection hormone.” Oxytocin creates space for empathy and collaboration. But when trust is broken, cortisol floods the system. This puts us in fight-or-flight mode, and meaningful conversations grind to a halt.

As leaders, it’s our job to create environments that spark oxytocin instead of cortisol. When we do, trust flows, conversations deepen, and transformation happens.

So back to my Speakership experience. In the case of the speaking feedback, while I had been told I could trust the process, that it was safe (and it was), I had no historical Trust-building experiences with those giving the feedback. The public receiving of feedback was not the correct forum for me, and I could not process the information coming at me. My Trust jar - with myself or of others was void of marbles. The Trust account was in debt. Therefore I was not in a positive balance and not in a position to engage with Trust. - no matter the environment or the actions taken by others to create a high Trust environment.

So how do we do that?

Breaking Trust Down

Brené Brown’s BRAVING model gives us a roadmap:

• Boundaries – Respect them.

• Reliability – Show up.

• Accountability – Own your stuff.

• Vault – Keep things confidential.

• Integrity – Do what’s right, not what’s easy.

• Non-Judgment – Hold space.

• Generosity – Assume the best.

These align beautifully with Charles Feltman’s four keys of trust: Care, Sincerity, Reliability, and Competence. Together, they show us that trust requires both character and competence.

The Axis of Trust: Balancing Character and Competence

At the heart of this trust model lies the balance between Character and Competence. The vertical axis, Character, represents the emotional qualities that foster connection, such as care, sincerity, and integrity. It answers the question, “Can I trust this person’s intentions?” The horizontal axis, Competence, reflects the practical skills and reliability needed to deliver results. It answers the question, “Can I trust this person to get the job done?” Trust is built when these two dimensions work in harmony. Strong character creates a foundation of safety and connection, while competence ensures that trust is sustained through action and capability. Together, they form a complete framework for cultivating trust in personal and professional relationships. 

CARE: Trust Begins with Genuine Connection

At the heart of trust lies care, which is built through empathy, protection, and generosity. When you demonstrate care, you show others that their vulnerabilities are safe with you. This means maintaining confidentiality (the Vault) and offering generosity with your time, attention, and kindness. Care is about creating a space where people feel seen, valued, and emotionally secure—laying the foundation for strong, lasting relationships.

SINCERITY: Authenticity Builds Bridges

Trust grows when your words and actions reflect integrity and respect. Sincerity means honoring boundaries, communicating honestly, and practicing non-judgment. When people sense that you’re authentic, they feel safe opening up and sharing their true selves. By being consistent in your values and demonstrating integrity, you foster openness and connection, creating an environment where trust can thrive.

RELIABILITY: Consistency Creates Confidence

Reliability is about showing up and following through, time after time. When you do what you say you’ll do, others learn they can depend on you. This consistency reassures people during uncertain times, strengthening their trust in you. By owning your actions and demonstrating accountability, you further solidify your reliability, proving that you’re not just present but actively dependable.

COMPETENCE: Capability Inspires Trust

Trust isn’t just about character—it’s about delivering results. Competence ensures others feel confident in your ability to meet expectations and handle challenges effectively. Whether it’s through your skills, decisions, or performance, demonstrating competence shows that you can rise to the occasion. Coupled with accountability, competence reassures others that you’ll take responsibility for your work and its impact, strengthening the trust they place in you.

The Ripple Effect of Trust

When trust is present, it’s like a springboard. It gives clients the courage to stretch beyond what they thought was possible. It turns conversations into something extraordinary. Vulnerability builds trust, and trust creates an environment for growth.

Trust is more than a buzzword.

It’s the key to breaking through surface-level conversations and tapping into the heart of what really matters. It’s what allows clients to explore their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs without fear.

Building trust takes time, consistency, and empathy.

But the rewards?

They’re worth it.

Trust opens the door to transformation. And isn’t that what leadership is all about?

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